I'm still tired and stressed.
Not about anything in particular either.
Drinking a pint of vodka, lemon lime and bitters and eating blue cheese on crackers.
By lunchtime, when my preps went home early for the last time, I was feeling very defeated. Despite great support and the rest of the day on APT I still feel quite that way. 2 of my kids are badly behaved in a way that has nothing to do with their disabilities. It makes it really hard to get anything done, the others miss out on attention and help and they frustrate the hell out of everyone. Not to mention my 2 pain in the butt parents (although one is better than the other).
I am also very tired. When I went into the staffroom to have my lunch before yard duty, I must have looked a bit the worse for wear. I said a little about ,my morning and when I sat down one of the other newish teachers (she had taught here before but was employed this year as the music teacher) moved to sit next to me and ask if I needed to talk about it. I shared my frustrations and got lots of support and a hug. I really need advice from people who have raised a pack of brats themselves about how to deal with behaviour that isn't appropriate whether you are disabled or not. It was nice that the specialists who only see my kids once a week said that they have already noticed improvements. I guess its hard when you see them every day to see the little stuff. Yeah, one may be sitting attentively (strangely at this school they call it attending – i.e. she attended well for at least 15 minutes – in my dreams!) for a little longer and she came up to me and said hello this morning, but... by hitting me! Swings and roundabouts, I guess.
At our computer session today the IT guy reckoned it could be September when everything starts to fall into place... I have to admit I was a little horrified. I am impatient I want them ALL to behave like civilised little people right now!
Drink gone... another?
Left at a reasonable time today and had a quick chat about similar things to one of the APs. She also thought I looked tired but thought it was good that I was still smiling. It would be good if she comes to play in my room and has a look at the class dynamics... I'll also see if I can have one of the wiser prep teachers across the hall come and see my little monkeys.
I just have to look at it as small changes leading to big stuff. I feel bad that I worked out that if one of my kids is lying on the floor coz she doesn't want to do what you want her to do... that she will get up and follow you if you hold a ball out in front of her... I feel like I am treating her like a puppy... At lunch people thought that was a good break though and if I can make the ball smaller and smaller 'til you just tell her to get up and come, then it is a great start to have found a motivator for her... I feel that they have a good point but it still feels a bit wrong when I do it. With my naughty 2 it is a definite battle of wills, which I guess I would have had with teenagers if I'd been teaching them too. I need to pick and choose my battles so they can win some but I win the important ones (another bit of received wisdom) but I don't know that I have the experience to decide which is which.
Meetings can have weird groups dynamics. It's hard not to laugh, sometimes I don't even try not to.
I am so looking forward to going to the footy on the weekend. I will have a good yell! It is on late Sunday arvo, I will probably have not so much voice left for Monday. I guess at least with only 5 kids I never have to yell or really raise my voice – that's nice I suppose...