Compared to my nerves last week, I think the coming Monday is more daunting than the first one as I now start to understand how much I still have to learn!
I am trying to do some stuff for work (time tables, lesson plan type things – programs) but am procrastinating. At least some things never change.
I feel more sick to the stomach now that I see how much work I have to do and how little of my role I comprehend. It churns in my mind and I find it hard to even find the questions to ask that would help me out of this state. I wish I was better at taking things slowly and letting the knowledge come to me over time, but I want it now. It’s not a helpful attitude but how do you change something that seems to be part of who you are?
Now that I have a little understanding of the procedural arrangements of school, my thinking turns to my actual teaching. What am I doing now, what am I going to do next and why am I doing it? What do my students need and what do I need to teach them to meet this need? What goals do they have? I know some of this will be explored in PSG meetings later in the month and with the team I am working with but I feel I should be moving towards that now. It’s hard to know which way to go when you don’t know where you are going. I’ll leave it there, I think, as more questions aren’t really going to help me at this stage and I’m sure I am starting to sound like a pretentious wanker!