Intermittent panic

I must have lost count of how many sleeps were left because when I realised I had only this weekend and 2 full weeks left before I start teaching I get a wee small sensation of rising panic. Oh crap, here it comes again. Breathe, relax, breathe....

I feel woefully under prepared. It would be easy to blame this on the fact that I decided to do something a little different and go and teach 6 year olds at a special school after training as a secondary teacher but I suspect I would be feeling this way anyhow right now. I think it really needs drumming into you through a dip ed that what you are getting is the equivalent of a a road map (and I'm not talking something as comprehensive as a Melway – more like sketched on the back of an old envelope that was the first thing to hand and has a coffee stain and... nevermind.) something that will give you an idea of how to get to your destination without too much difficulty but gives you very little idea of what it is going to be like when you get there and what you really need to be getting a grip on.

I have been lucky in that doing my dip ed part time I met people in my first year who then went out and taught whilst I was finishing another year... They have great ideas about what you really need to find out about on teaching rounds and from your lecturers. It has very little to do with the theory of education . That said, I have this huge urge to get out readings from the week we did on special/inclusive education in a subject called ed contexts, (i think?) and find myself a pile of readings. Unfortunately, this is, I suspect, a coping mechanism developed over waaaaay too many years at university and it probably wont help me feel any more prepared here. I wish I felt brave enough just to wing it. That's my usual way of doing things, on instinct and relying on natural ability to get me through, but this is actually important to me and I feel I should give it more. Not sure which is the right approach to take. The former will not stop the rising panic...

Distractions, must find me some distractions....

I will make fruit salad!