Have decided not to post this week after now, but to give myself a bit of space to get my life back together. Relax, breathe, work out how to face next term mentally and then next week I'll think about planning etc.
It's a beautiful sunny day, which makes me feel more positive about everything and means I can get out of bed and get things done (although this morning was hard with the staying up 'til 4 am to watch the world cup match between Brazil and the Aussies...).
The last week of school was really hard and promised support didn't eventuate and now I feel apprehensive that nothing will happen to help me next term either.
So here's where I'm at now:
I reckon there will be politics and annoying people wherever I work.
The main motivation for fighting for more support for myself is that if I don't it will be the kids I teach that don't get a fair go. They deserve better than I can give them with no help. (That sounds professionally responsible rather than wimpy...)
I need to do something difficult for once and not run (ie. grow up)
I actually care passionately about the kids in that school and the work I do (which is really unusual for me and a bit scary) and want to make the place better than it is.
I am probably in a good position to make change happen in the school if I can work out how to do it.
Am I arrogant or what?
The problem is now that I don't trust admin to let me have what I need or my own strength and conviction in fighting for it. I am too much of a wuss to stand up when I don't feel 100% on top of the situation. I can't see myself as someone who can create change right now, I feel weak, scared and powerless. ... and tired so very tired.