Vale

Sh*t, where to begin?

Things have been going down hill this year. Friday, I took the day off to get myself organised and try to feel like I had my sh*t together. Then I get a phone call that another student has died. This time it was expected but it doesn't make it much easier. This sent me into a nasty downward spiral.

The weekend wasn't pretty and I am having most of this week off work to get myself together again. I don't know how this started, maybe the stress of a new job in a stressful field, lack of support when I started, difficulty of dealing with very emotional circumstances and connections, exhausting my natural reserves of coping ability... I don't know.

What I do know is that last term I made the decision not to run away from this. So, it has lead to me needing more help to get through it but I think in the long run it is a healthier option. I could keep running all my life, when I hit that wall, but for some reason I don't want to this time. Under all the pain that may be circumstance, maybe my biology, I like the job I have and think things will get better.

Maybe I'm foolhardy?

PS: Sleeping Beauty is in hospital again. Same as last time, well sedated. I am not hugely worried but long term it's not a happy senario.